Code ADAM

Apollo's new name is ADAM after they had to call that code at walmart today. I've been a mother for 11 years, and sure I've lost my children a dozen times, but never like this.

I took Apollo to Wal-Mart with me so he could pick out a gift for Halea for secret santa that we're starting for the kids this year. I was in the makeup isle and he was getting extra excited to get out of the cart, so I let him out. He stayed close for a minute and then took off. I followed him, allowing him to keep some distance between us, but he was still in sight. Then I lost sight of him. I started calling for him loudly and he answered me once, but it wasn't enough for me to locate him. One of the managers came over and asked if I was finding everything ok and I told him I couldn't find my son. He immediately radioed a code ADAM which locks down the whole store until the missing child (turd) is found. About ten minuted later he was found and he spent the rest of our trip buckled tightly into the shopping cart.

My visiting teacher brought over a platter of goodies this afternoon and I couldn't have needed it more. Today was my first day off of medication since the surgery and the homemade caramels hit the spot.

Life is good

I had breast augmentation today. I took the anesthesia pretty hard, and it took me all day to wake up from it. I'm moving pretty slow and trying to follow Dr orders: not lifting, walking around, eating. Ryan is taking VERY good care of me and the kids. My chest is pretty swollen. I knew it would be and I opted to go a little bit bigger because I have heard that most women are thrilled with their results immediately and then are disappointed when the swelling goes down.

We bought our new van this weekend. It's a 2003 Honda Odyssey. Although it's not as new as I would like it to be, it only has 52,000 on it. It was serviced at Bellevue Honda every 3,000 miles and has been meticulously maintained. It has leather interior, wood trim inside, a DVD system, heated seats ~ pretty much every goodie anyone could want. We only had to come out of pocket $3,000, so our savings is still pretty intact. I feel so blessed!

Here's what our actual van looks like.

Blessings from Angels

Our 2001 Ford Windstar died a few days ago. With Ryan being in school and on unemployment, and our childsupport drying up, and my caregiving money ending, it's not a great time for us to buy an expensive van. I've been looking at bandaid (or vandaid) solutions just to get us by until Ryan is done with school. All the vans that we could afford had very high miles and there's no guarantee that they would last us for the year. Ryan's dad was aware of our predicament and told Ryan that he wanted to help. We are going to put in what we would have spent on a vandaid and he will make up the rest. I can't believe how he is blessing us!

His dad's friend goes to auctions and knows of a 2005 Honda Odyssey (like the picture), so we may get that one.

Toothfairy update

Last night I remembered to put $1 under Parker's pillow. That is amazing, because I usually forget until tear-filled eyes approach me in the morning because the toothfairy didn't come. The boys got up before I did this morning, so I wasn't there to see the excited expression on Parker's face. While I was getting him dressed, I asked him if the toothfairy had come. He said no, but that Bryce had given him a dollar. I went over to Parker's pillow to discover that the dollar I had placed there was missing. I found it on Parker's dresser and slyly tried to hide it under his pillow. He didn't buy it. He insisted that the dollar I had put under his pillow was the Bryce dollar. So, I have one son that is a glory thief and one that is a non believer. What a Monday.

Toothfairy

We'll be having a visit from the toothfairy tonight.

As I was getting Parker ready for church, I noticed that his tooth was pretty loose. I wiggled it and thought it was ready, so I asked him if he wanted me to pull it out. He said no, and a minute later he pulled it out himself. No tears, no freaking out. It was great! He was so excited that he took the tooth to church, and lost it there.

I think the toothfairy will make an exception for a twice lost tooth this time.

Tanked Tank

We decided to give Tank back to his owners. After four days of pooping and peeing in the house, barking at every noise he heard, and humping (or honking as Parker calls it) every member of the family, especially Halea, we decided he needed to go. The owners were not thrilled that we wanted to bring him back, but they did take him. We may look into getting a guinea pig or a lizard.

Tank

We got this cute little guy yesterday. His name is Tank (we didn't pick it) and he's a 10 month old mini doxin. He weighs 7.5 lbs. His last owners couldn't give him the attention he needs (he needs a lot), so they wanted to find him a loving family. They had several calls for him and picked us because they thought we would be the best fit for him. We feel really blessed to have him.

When I was a teenager my dad used to tell me the best way to get over losing your dog is to get a new puppy (referring to my scum bucket boyfriends). I think that principle applies with losing a loved one, too. Since Leslie passed I've gained ten pounds and I haven't been able to find my groove with out the structure of caring for her. Now I have to go on walks several times a day and am forced to get some fresh air which always makes me feel better.

The kids are thrilled to have him. He licks a lot, but has not growled or nipped once. He's perfect for our family!

Perspective

I got this picture today. Sometimes when I'm going through the normal motions of my day, I forget what it looks like to have four little people who fully depend on me in varying degrees. Then I see a picture of our family and it puts it all into perspective. (The crab I'm holding is my trophy from the Salty's 1/2). I love my family. And I love the challenges and opportunity for growth they provide me.

Thanksgiving

Ryan's mom died on Thursday night at 9:03. We had known it was coming, so we made sure to spend as much time with her as possible. Each of the kids got to see her before she passed. Ryan and I were both with her, holding her hands when she took her last breath. We felt blessed to be able to share that experience.

When I told Parker that Grandma had died he said, "Well, I guess it's time to get a new grandma, and this time not let her get sick".

Our ward has been pulling together to support us with meals and phone calls of comfort. My friends at the Y have offered comfort. I feel so blessed to be surrounded with a great supportive group of friends, especially because family is far away (but not for long because they will be here for Thanksgiving).

I'm surprised at how hard this has been. Watching her gasp for breath, watching her body waste away to a skeleton, it was all hard. I thought I would feel more of a sense of relief, but I'm really just sad. I miss caring for her. It still hasn't hit me that she's gone. I still feel like I should be doing something all the time. Last night I was watching Hannah Montana the movie with my kids and I looked at the clock and thought I needed to go out and care for Leslie, and then it washed over me again that she's gone. It will be nice when everything adjusts back to normal.

Although it's been hard, it's been one of the greatest growing experiences of my life. Ryan and I are a better couple for having had this experience. Thanksgiving will have special meaning for me this year.

Blessings

The girl next to me placed fourth or fifth.

Ryan took such good care of the kids, his mom, the house, and then me when I was feeling crappy about not placing. He cleaned the house, kept his mom comfortable, and kept the kids alive. I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am to have him. And somehow he feels the same way about me.

The Binge

I wasn't the big winner, again. Not even close. But this time I stuck around to talk to the judges about why I'm not doing well in these competitions. I got some conflicting views from the judges. Two said I was too lean for the bikini division and that I need to compete in figure (ewww) with bulkier shoulders, and two others said my butt needs to be bigger and tighter and my abs need to be tighter. They all agreed that I have beautiful stage presence, and the red suit was perfect on me. I'm going to train as hard for the spring shows, but I'm not going to cut my calories as much and see what results from that. (by the way, the girl in the orange suit next to me placed second, and the one who won was even softer than her).

Even if I didn't walk away with one of their cheesy trophies, I really can be satisfied with how good I looked. I felt more comfortable on stage this time.

Now that I'm done with my competition, the binge has begun. I've consoled myself with all kinds of sweet things. I'm excited to get back to a regular eating plan with my family. This morning we all had cinnamon rolls for breakfast. It was great! I'm looking forward to enjoying Thanksgiving with almost all of my family.

Happy Vetran's Day

I'm feeling better today. We went thrifting this morning (Vetran's Day sale) and there's something about putting on a pair of jeans that you don't think will fit, and having them slide on with room to spare. The dieting is hard, but it's effective. I'm down to 113, and I don't feel like I need to lose any more. Now I'm just hoping to maintain this for two more days and then let it go for the holidays!

Comfort Food

How I long for comfort food. I'm on my second day of a three day, no carb cycle. Basically I'm eating fish or chicken or protein powder and vegetables. That's it. Yesterday I did great! I felt good all day and today I felt great until I had a bit of a stressful situation. I'll spare you the gory details, but Ryan's mom is dying, soon. So, I've been giving really focused care to her and caring for Ryan and the kids, and I'm tired. And when I'm tired I make bad decisions of what to eat. I want cookies and candy so bad! Sorry about all the complaining (I did choose this). I'm so ready for this competition to be over.

Peek-a-Boo!

This morning Halea and Ryan were playing peek-a-boo. It's her favorite game. Even when the blanket is over her head, she still closes her eyes to enhance the hiding experience. I just love my girl!

Vasectomy # 2

Ryan had vasectomy # 2 yesterday. It was weird that the first one didn't work and we sort of saw it as a sign that we weren't done having babies yet. It has been 18 months since his first one, and we have not been blessed with our 5th baby. I'm not sure if there will be a 5th baby, but I know the Lord will let us know if we're meant to foster or adopt another one.

Ryan is doing well with the assistance of a lot of pain killers. I'd kind of like to see him after giving birth to one baby.

Cleaning Ladies

This morning I felt so blessed.

All at the same time my cleaning ladies, garbage man (father-in-law), and bath aid arrived at my house. They were each there to take care of a different part of my duty to my household. I felt overwhelmed by how blessed I am to have Heavenly Father hear my prayers and bless me with people to relieve some of my stress. I literally have prayed for the stamina to clean my house. It sounds like such a simple task, but I have a difficult time getting to the toilet scrubbing, dusting, and window cleaning, all while I have demanding little ones wanting my attention. Blessings!

No Phone?

Our phone line is out. I don't spend much time on the phone anyway, but with it out I'm feeling kind of isolated. So....I got our costume bucket down. It holds all the treasures of costumes I've gathered over the last few years. Right now Parker is dressed up as a pumpkin pirate, and Apollo is dressed up as an elephant ninja. I think Halea will be the chicken that each of my three youngest have been when they are two. It's just such a cute costume and I'm pretty sure this will be the last year I can use it. I know I always love dress up, so I'm sure the kids are enjoying it as much as I do.

Salty's 1/2 marathon

I don't have any pictures to post (yet), but I want to blog about the 1/2 marathon I ran this morning, while it's still fresh in my mind.

I am sick and on antibiotics for a sinus infection, so that part kind of sucks. I've been taking sudaphed and that makes a world of difference. Originally Ryan and I signed up to run this together, but he sprained his ankle playing softball a few weeks ago, so he had to back out. When I got sick, it would have been easy to back out as well, but after placing so poorly in the bikini competition, I felt like I needed to do this for myself ~ kind of to build my self confidence back up.

Ryan packed the van with our portable DVD player this morning, and took his study materials to hopefully get some studying done with the kids in the van while I ran (that never panned out). I wanted a cinnamon roll at the finish line, so he went and got that and got the kids some breakfast.

My plan was just to run the race and see how it goes. When it was time to begin (@ 8:30) I was toward the front, the only woman in a sea of men. As we took off, I noticed that I was keeping up pretty well with the men at the front. I continued that pace throughout the entire race. I maintained my lead until the last two miles when a really tall red haired lady over took my lead. I passed her once, but she passed me again and I couldn't force myself to pass her again. So I finished 2nd with a time of 1 hour 44 min. and 34 sec.

Ryan passed me in the van as I was finishing my last block before the finish line. The kids got to see me finish the race. When I realized at the beginning of the race that I had a chance at doing well, I kept thinking that I wanted to show my kids what all of the training has been for. I wanted them to see their mom win. I'm not bitter that I didn't win, there was just nothing else I could give. I feel great about how well I did. And they're proud of me.

We got some finisher pictures with my commemorative Salty's crab with our whole family. I'll post them when I get them. My cinnamon roll was still warm when I ate it in the car. I feel so blessed to have a husband who is so supportive and lets me live out my dreams.

Pumpkins Galore

Ryan took Apollo and Halea to a pumpkin patch this morning. Apollo's preschool sponsored this event, and since I had to teach my cardio sculpt class, Ryan took the kids. He's such a good dad! They had a great time with the kids from Apollo's class. Ryan noticed that Halea tends to be on the shy side (where did that come from)?

The head of the ghost is teacher Eric ~ he's not gay, just a really nurturing man teacher.

Competition Prep

Here's my new swimsuit for the next competition. It's shiny and red. I've been playing with my makeup ~ including fake eyelashes that are really hard to put on. I've also been playing with my poses to get a feel for what looks best. I'm trying to do it without a mirror because when you're onstage, there are no mirrors. I'm pretty happy with where my body is right now. My weight is at 116, but I'm trying not to let that get me down, because I can tell my butt is firming up and so are my abs (muscle is heavier). Im running a 1/2 marathon on Saturday. After that I'm going to tone my cardio way down and focus on resistance training. I'm excited to push myself hard for this next competition and then enjoy the off season until next April.

Inspiration Quotes

Dreams become a reality, one choice at a time.

Nutrition counts for 80% of what you look like: training counts for 10% and genetics count for the other 10%

Work like it's all up to you and pray like it's all up to God

More fun with Parker

I had an interesting conversation with Parker this morning as I was getting him in to his "reverent suit" before church.

He asked, "Mom, when did you buy me"? I said, "I didn't buy you, Heavenly Father gave you to me". He kind of gave me a confused look that said he wanted more of an explanation, so I went on. "You asked Heavenly Father to send you to me because you wanted me to be your mom". His response was "DARN IT"!

The funny thing is that sometimes the feeling is mutual. I've thought about our conversation all day, and every time I do, it makes me laugh. I love that boy, even if he doesn't know how much he loves me.

Family Photo

I just wanted to share this AMAZING picture with everyone. We never get pictures of all of the kids smiling at the same time. With our children they take turns being the disgruntled one, so there's usually at least one grumpy one.

We had some extra time before church, so I put all the kids on the couch and Ryan went down the line and tickled each one of the kids while I waited for him to get out of the way and take the picture. It worked out so well!

When I see all of them together, it's hard to believe they're all mine. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

P.S. I just realized the red eye reduction worked a little too well on Apollo. Oh well, it's still a good picture.

CDP

Ryan is covering pediatrics in nursing school right now and yesterday he brought home a really cool handout about child directed play. It's where you allow the child to lead the parent in whatever activities they want. It allows that child to be in control and to have their parent's undivided attention (which is a rare thing in our house), and it's supposed to build their self esteem. So I tried it out with Halea this morning.

First, she took me outside to visit grandma. She sat on grandma's bed and smiled at her as she snored, soundly sleeping. Then she wanted to look at all of grandma's creams and soaps. Then we came inside. She took me to her room and got some clothes out of her dresser (picking out her own outfit). I figured she wanted me to dress her, so I took her pajamas off, and she pulled a fast one and decided staying naked would be more fun. I allowed her to remain that way because she's calling all the shots. She brought me her "babies" and then took them back as quickly as she had give me them. Then she decided she would like her shirt (that she has recently outgrown) put on, but that was it, no diaper, no pants. She started playing with her activity table and was having a great time! I think the music from it was so inspiring that she decided to poop on her floor. That was the end of child directed play for today.

Cinderella

Today I'm feeling like Cinderella, after the ball. Saturday was SO great! Even though I didn't win, I had a great time and I can't wait to do it again. And now I'm back to my regular life of cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, etc. I haven't taken a shower or changed my clothes today, but it's a cleaning day. It's a good life and I can't complain.

I WON (sort of)

I won ~ ok, I didn't actually win the competition (or even place in the top five), but I did win in some other ways.

Yesterday morning I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn't sleep anymore, so I got up figuring it would work to my advantage because I would sleep great the night before the competition. I was wrong. This morning I woke up at 2:30 am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I had plenty of time to clean the house, make breakfast for the kids, get Leslie's morning routine taken care of, do my own spray tan (saving $100), etc. I said goodbye to the family and left. When I got out to the van, there was a tiara sitting on the dashboard and a letter from Ryan. The letter made me laugh and cry all at the same time ~ I do have the best husband.

When I got to the competition, I was surprised at how dark everyone was. White and Asian girls looking like they had baked themselves in Jamaica for seven years. Although my home spray tan made me look dark, I was pale compared to the other girls. Lesson #1: find an alternative to home spray tan, probably just spend the money.

Everyone was SO kind and considerate of everyone else. Everyone was beautiful and starving and dehydrated, but we all managed to be courteous toward each other. The show offered free makeup by a professional makeup artist, so of course I took advantage ~ it was free, why not. Most of the other girls took advantage, too. I noticed that if you have a flat iron, spray glue, or hairspray you're pretty much a rock star among the ladies. I had spray glue, so I rocked. Lesson #2: remember my flat iron and hair spray next time and Lesson #3: Do my own makeup ~ I know my face better than anyone else and my makeup ended up looking pretty messy.

I felt at peace from the moment I got in the van and read Ryan's letter. My nerves did not get to me. As other girls were shaking and wishing for the experience to be over, I was just thankful that I wasn't at home changing diapers. Lesson #4: Next time get nervous earlier. It wasn't until the finals (after the judging had been done) that I really got nervous and put my best foot forward and could taste how badly I wanted to win.

When I was called on to stage for the last time, I enjoyed my moment, sure that it wouldn't be my last. At the end we had a parade for us to go through the audience and display ourselves one last time. I was shocked when I went backstage and was not "called back" to go back out on stage to receive my tiara. I was SHOCKED! Comparing myself to the other girls, they were pretty, and dark tan, and have fake boobs (and don't have four kids) and had bright sparkling diamonds on their suits. I didn't have anything bright and sparkly on my flat black suit. Lesson #5: Get a sparkly, shiny bikini.

Ryan, his friend Ollie, and our friends Reggie and Edwin were there to cheer me on. I was so grateful for their support. We went to eat at the buffet in the facility afterwards. I ate a vegas-style feast. I started out with mongolian grill and a side of bacon, and ended up with a sampling of every dessert they had. Since then I've binged on mini candybars, a scone, and veggie delite pizza.

I'll be back on my diet tomorrow, but I'm enjoying my binge tonight. I have a 1/2 marathon in two weeks and my next show in November!

So I won a reaffirmation of how great my husband is, a new confidence that I can parade around in nearly nothing and enjoy it, and I'm pretty sure I will win a great night's sleep tonight.

Oh Apollo

Once again, he found my mascara ~ but this time the only painting he did with it was on himself not on the walls or cupboards). I think he was going for a more authoritative look.

Oh Parker

Parker decided to dress up like a "cool guy", and I couldn't stop laughing, so I hope you enjoy this, too.

Bang Dilemma:

It's hard to believe that the competition is only a day away. I've never worked so hard toward anything in my life. The discipline that I've had to develop with my diet alone has been the biggest challenge. But it's exciting to see the results when I strip down and see the product of all my hard work. I weight 110 right now, and I'm hoping to lose 3 or so more pounds before show time. I weight about 35 pounds less than I did when I met my husband five years ago. He's anxious for me to put ten pounds back on, but we'll see what happens.

Dilemma: Should I wear my bangs down or up for the show?

The Slim Down

The positive side with being sick is that I haven't felt like eating anything, so I haven't been fighting the feelings of deprivation. I haven't exercised in five days, but that's aiding in some muscle loss/weight loss. And all of this is working to my advantage to slim me down and help my muscles have a more toned appearance. I just hope it will stay for nine more days.

Everything was going so well...

Then I got sick. Not just a little sick, either. Like the kind where you lounge in bed all day, except to teach a zumba class and get your nails done (at least my priorities are straight). I felt pretty crappy all day yesterday. Today I feel better, but not back to normal. Most of the body aches and chills are gone, but my energy feels depleted. I was supposed to do a ten mile run tomorrow but I don't think I'll be up to it. I guess I just need to listen to what my body is telling me: SLOW DOWN!

This morning Bryce heard Ryan and I discussing whether we should risk taking this sickness to the people at church. We ended up deciding not to go. Bryce surprised us with a "sacrament" meeting in our living room complete with reading from the scriptures and listening to the children's CD of primary songs. Sometimes I wonder if anything I'm trying to instill in my boy is sticking, and then he surprises me. I'm so blessed to have him.

Back to School

Apollo had his first day of preschool yesterday, which meant that it was just Halea and me for 2 1/2 hours. It was GLORIOUS! I was able to clean the kitchen, and have it stay clean. I made some phone calls without my kids screaming in the background. I was able to care for Leslie without anyone (Bryce) pounding on the door for me to hurry up so I can come back in the house and "get them" something (we've had a serious case of the "get me's" lately). And when it was time to get Parker and Ollie home, I was ready for them. Today Ryan and I have a trip to the gym and costco (for early Christmas shopping without the kids) planned ~ there's just so much life to live in 2 1/2 hours.

My training is going well. I actually enjoy the training ~ it's the dieting that is the hard part. I'm in the best shape of my life. When I reflect on the last year I can see how much my fitness has had a hand in helping me deal with everything. A year ago the new Y opened and I took a job there teaching cardio sculpt classes, not knowing that five months later I would be using all of those muscles I was building to care for my dying mother-in-law. I wouldn't have been strong enough earlier to give the intensive kind of care she requires. At the same time that we brought her home, I was going through the process of figuring out what's wrong with Parker. Ryan and I trained for our first 1/2 marathon and completed it in June. It was the coolest thing we've ever done together, aside from making two babies. Exercise has been such a huge part of my life and it's helped me in all areas of my life. Physically, but also emotionally. It's the one selfish thing I do for me every day. It allows me to give time to my thoughts or just to shut my brain off and go through the motions of what my body is doing physically. It's been a constant in my life (that and Ryan) that have helped me deal with what life has offered.

I'm happy.

More Vegas

I tried one of every dessert they had (pre competition binge)

Vegas

We had a great trip to Vegas ~ It was nice to have some alone time with my sweetheart, but I did miss my kids (which I guess is a good thing). I'm noticing a trend that I tend to jump from one big thing to the next, so I don't get bored with my life. The next thing I'll be jumping to is competing in my first bodybuilding competition in October. I'll be competing in the bikini division of the Ironman. We'll see how it goes!

Family Fun

We are having a good summer, despite being homebound. I did venture out one day and took all four kids to the mall. They did pretty well except for when Apollo escaped from the stroller and bounded down the hallway at the mall and I had to run after him, tackling him to the ground with a mall-sized audience. After that he got to experience the mall from tighter straps on his stroller. I let him try on some hats and he liked that. Bryce and Parker enjoyed posing like the manequins.

When we got home, Ryan and the kids had fun playing in this little bus/tent a friend gave us. There's something about being confined in small spaces that they just love.

In two weeks Ryan and I will be enjoying hot sun in Las Vegas. A friend of ours is going to stay at our house and take care of Ryan's mom and my mom is going to take care of ALL of my kids. I feel so blessed to have this much needed opportunity to get some time away.