Tank

We got this cute little guy yesterday. His name is Tank (we didn't pick it) and he's a 10 month old mini doxin. He weighs 7.5 lbs. His last owners couldn't give him the attention he needs (he needs a lot), so they wanted to find him a loving family. They had several calls for him and picked us because they thought we would be the best fit for him. We feel really blessed to have him.

When I was a teenager my dad used to tell me the best way to get over losing your dog is to get a new puppy (referring to my scum bucket boyfriends). I think that principle applies with losing a loved one, too. Since Leslie passed I've gained ten pounds and I haven't been able to find my groove with out the structure of caring for her. Now I have to go on walks several times a day and am forced to get some fresh air which always makes me feel better.

The kids are thrilled to have him. He licks a lot, but has not growled or nipped once. He's perfect for our family!

Perspective

I got this picture today. Sometimes when I'm going through the normal motions of my day, I forget what it looks like to have four little people who fully depend on me in varying degrees. Then I see a picture of our family and it puts it all into perspective. (The crab I'm holding is my trophy from the Salty's 1/2). I love my family. And I love the challenges and opportunity for growth they provide me.

Thanksgiving

Ryan's mom died on Thursday night at 9:03. We had known it was coming, so we made sure to spend as much time with her as possible. Each of the kids got to see her before she passed. Ryan and I were both with her, holding her hands when she took her last breath. We felt blessed to be able to share that experience.

When I told Parker that Grandma had died he said, "Well, I guess it's time to get a new grandma, and this time not let her get sick".

Our ward has been pulling together to support us with meals and phone calls of comfort. My friends at the Y have offered comfort. I feel so blessed to be surrounded with a great supportive group of friends, especially because family is far away (but not for long because they will be here for Thanksgiving).

I'm surprised at how hard this has been. Watching her gasp for breath, watching her body waste away to a skeleton, it was all hard. I thought I would feel more of a sense of relief, but I'm really just sad. I miss caring for her. It still hasn't hit me that she's gone. I still feel like I should be doing something all the time. Last night I was watching Hannah Montana the movie with my kids and I looked at the clock and thought I needed to go out and care for Leslie, and then it washed over me again that she's gone. It will be nice when everything adjusts back to normal.

Although it's been hard, it's been one of the greatest growing experiences of my life. Ryan and I are a better couple for having had this experience. Thanksgiving will have special meaning for me this year.

Blessings

The girl next to me placed fourth or fifth.

Ryan took such good care of the kids, his mom, the house, and then me when I was feeling crappy about not placing. He cleaned the house, kept his mom comfortable, and kept the kids alive. I can't believe how incredibly blessed I am to have him. And somehow he feels the same way about me.

The Binge

I wasn't the big winner, again. Not even close. But this time I stuck around to talk to the judges about why I'm not doing well in these competitions. I got some conflicting views from the judges. Two said I was too lean for the bikini division and that I need to compete in figure (ewww) with bulkier shoulders, and two others said my butt needs to be bigger and tighter and my abs need to be tighter. They all agreed that I have beautiful stage presence, and the red suit was perfect on me. I'm going to train as hard for the spring shows, but I'm not going to cut my calories as much and see what results from that. (by the way, the girl in the orange suit next to me placed second, and the one who won was even softer than her).

Even if I didn't walk away with one of their cheesy trophies, I really can be satisfied with how good I looked. I felt more comfortable on stage this time.

Now that I'm done with my competition, the binge has begun. I've consoled myself with all kinds of sweet things. I'm excited to get back to a regular eating plan with my family. This morning we all had cinnamon rolls for breakfast. It was great! I'm looking forward to enjoying Thanksgiving with almost all of my family.

Happy Vetran's Day

I'm feeling better today. We went thrifting this morning (Vetran's Day sale) and there's something about putting on a pair of jeans that you don't think will fit, and having them slide on with room to spare. The dieting is hard, but it's effective. I'm down to 113, and I don't feel like I need to lose any more. Now I'm just hoping to maintain this for two more days and then let it go for the holidays!

Comfort Food

How I long for comfort food. I'm on my second day of a three day, no carb cycle. Basically I'm eating fish or chicken or protein powder and vegetables. That's it. Yesterday I did great! I felt good all day and today I felt great until I had a bit of a stressful situation. I'll spare you the gory details, but Ryan's mom is dying, soon. So, I've been giving really focused care to her and caring for Ryan and the kids, and I'm tired. And when I'm tired I make bad decisions of what to eat. I want cookies and candy so bad! Sorry about all the complaining (I did choose this). I'm so ready for this competition to be over.

Peek-a-Boo!

This morning Halea and Ryan were playing peek-a-boo. It's her favorite game. Even when the blanket is over her head, she still closes her eyes to enhance the hiding experience. I just love my girl!

Vasectomy # 2

Ryan had vasectomy # 2 yesterday. It was weird that the first one didn't work and we sort of saw it as a sign that we weren't done having babies yet. It has been 18 months since his first one, and we have not been blessed with our 5th baby. I'm not sure if there will be a 5th baby, but I know the Lord will let us know if we're meant to foster or adopt another one.

Ryan is doing well with the assistance of a lot of pain killers. I'd kind of like to see him after giving birth to one baby.

Cleaning Ladies

This morning I felt so blessed.

All at the same time my cleaning ladies, garbage man (father-in-law), and bath aid arrived at my house. They were each there to take care of a different part of my duty to my household. I felt overwhelmed by how blessed I am to have Heavenly Father hear my prayers and bless me with people to relieve some of my stress. I literally have prayed for the stamina to clean my house. It sounds like such a simple task, but I have a difficult time getting to the toilet scrubbing, dusting, and window cleaning, all while I have demanding little ones wanting my attention. Blessings!