Back to Reality

After such a great weekend, I didn't want it to end ~ and of course it had to. I woke up and went for a run this morning. It was a lot harder than usual and I figured it was because of all the fun food I ate this weekend. I got the kids off to school and then laid down because I wasn't feeling good. I ended up falling asleep. When I woke up I had a bunch of sinus pressure, chills even though I was wearing sweats and a blanket, and a stuffed up nose. I felt really disoriented. My symptoms got worse throughout the day.

Halea had an appt for her leg. I was bullied into the appointment by the receptionist. I warned her that I would have to bring my two little boys along for this appointment and she assured me that they would get us back to a room right away. She WAS warned. We waited for a 1/2 hour before getting back to our room and the boys proved that it was a bad idea to bring them. They had fun at the water cooler that flooded and got the floor wet. They looked in the cabinets and drawers and continued to get escorted by the nurses and receptionists back to me. They took several trips to the bathroom that involved me taking all three of them to the bathroom and of course all of us had to wash our hands each time, even if we didn't all use the bathroom. I felt so physically bad and the scoldings my children and I received did not help my emotional well-being. Apollo scolded the nurses back. Halea had to have her cast wedged to straighten her bone that was healing crooked. She wailed while they were doing it. Her sweet brothers were telling the Dr to quit hurting their sister. It was sweet to see their concern.

Ryan had to stay late at school. Ugh. When he gets home he will be on dad duty and I will be on sick in bed duty.

Weekend Away

We had a GREAT weekend! We stayed at the Manresa Castle for a 1/2 hour until an "unfortunate event" happened and we checked out. Then we were blessed to find a room at another hotel that saved us over $100, so that was awesome! We biked all over the place and took in the beautiful scenery. It just just what we needed.

My competition story

My sister asked me to write the story of how I got into bodybuilding and the journey that I have taken with it.

I have always been active and I have a naturally athletic build. In February of 2010 my then five year old son was diagnosed with autism and we brought my husband's mom home to die with us as she was in the last stages of early onset alzheimer's disease. I felt like I was drowning under all of my responsibilities and I needed something that was my own. I had always admired the women I saw in magazines and fitness/figure competitors, so I decided to get into bodybuilding competition in the bikini division ( just under figure). I started clean eating and took my healthy weight of 132 down to 113 for my first competition. I didn't know what I was doing and bombed it. My second competition I had a competition weight of 113 again, but was told by the judges that I was too lean and needed to move up to figure or gain some weight for bikini. That was in November. Two weeks after that competition my mother-in-law passed. Two weeks after that I had breast surgery. In five weeks I had put on 25 lbs and weighed about 137. I sought the help of trainers at Bombshell Fitness. It was a huge financial investment for our family, but my husband was supportive. My weight gradually came down, despite a ligament injury to my hip. By April I had my first competition as a bombshell. I had worked so hard and dieted like never before. The hard work and lack of carbs left me lethargic most days and exhausted for the rest of the day after my workout. Too tired to mother my four kids, too tired to allow my husband to enjoy my new sleek figure, shoving most of the responsibility that I should have as the mother of four, off on my husband (who was supportive of me and fulfilled any duty I needed him to). My hormones were out of whack and I didn't have a period for four months. My competition weight was 115. I came away from that competition improving my scores. I felt amazing! I have a much prettier face than most of the other competitors, so how could rat-faced, prepubescent looking girls be placing ahead of me? Looking back at my pictures, I can understand that what I saw in the mirror is not what the judges saw. I have a lot of loose belly skin that will never go away. I didn't know it was there. I was deluding myself that I looked just as good as a 19 year old who has never had kids. It took me a long time to make the decision to stop training with team bombshell. I had invested so much already. Over time it became more and more clear that I already had what most of my fellow competitors were looking for: a wonderful, supportive husband and a happy family life. I didn't have anything to prove to anyone. I made the decision to walk away from the competition world. Maybe just for now or maybe forever. We'll see. For a sport that endorses health and fitness, I feel like the trade off for a "healthy" body is not worth the mental stress and anguish it takes to get there ~ especially with a trainer telling me I needed to lose ten more pounds at my lowest weight. She was right if I wanted to be competitive, but I just want to be a loving wife and an energetic mom to my kids. In the month of May, my daughter has broken her leg twice, we've had oral surgery for one of my sons to remove four of his teeth after an accident, two ear infections, and still more appointments for my child with autism. My energy is much better spent on the people who need me than in a gym. My husband likes my body so much better now than he did at 115 lbs. I like me better now, too. Not so much my body, but I still have my same pretty face. There are a lot of stars who only rely on hair and make up, not a ripped body. Having energy to serve my family and others feels better to me than living a completely self-absorbed life of dieting and exercise. I believe in health and fitness, but it has to incorporate mental health and spiritual health, too. One other note: I have never loved lifting weights. I love to dance, and I'm a good runner, but lifting weights is a necessary evil to me. Part of building my spirit has been finding what I love to do. Dancing is great cardio exercise and since I love the way it makes me feel, it's a form of exercise that I will stick to. Don't do something you don't like doing.

Another Angel

My favorite consignment shop, Lollipops, is where I went searching for an ergobaby carrier. It's a cloth backpack that holds kids up to 40 or 50 lbs and makes it bearable for your back. Having gone through the first break incident without one, I decided that five more weeks of princess in a cast warranted me replacing the carrier I lost two months ago. I'm friends with the owner of Lollipops and I told her what had happened to my girl. I asked her if she had any ergo carriers. She had one and told me I could borrow it until Princess is all healed up. Such a blessing.

Angels in disguise

Now that it's nighttime, I'm able to reflect on this fairly stressful day. I woke up and got the kids and myself ready to go. The little boys got on their bus and Bryce decided to leave early for his bus. I wasn't sure where I was going to run and headed out of my driveway to the right ~ past Bryce's bus stop where he was waiting for the bus (first kid in line with no one else). As I ran by I asked him if he wanted to run with me. He caught up and we were running together. We arrived to his school ten minutes too early, so we decided to play at the park across the street from the school. Playing went great until the incident. I knew it was broken immediately and I felt overwhelmed with uncertainty about how we were going to get home. I could call someone to pick us up, but it would cost me more time to use a phone at the school (since I don't have a cell phone) and wait for someone to pick us up. I decided to run us home, but every time I hit a bump Halea would scream out because it hurt her. A woman was dropping her daughter off at school and I asked her if she could drive us home ~ I had never seen her before ~ and she was perfectly willing to do it. She was an angel.

I always run on an empty stomach and eat when I get home. I never got to eat and by 2:00 I was really hungry. I asked a nurse if I could go get something to eat and she sat with Halea so I could run to the cafeteria and get some food. She was an angel, too.

Since I didn't have a cell phone, I realized that I was not going to be able to call anyone to pick up my two little boys from their bus. A male nurse asked me if he could help with anything and I asked if there was a phone I could use. Angel. He brought me a phone that I could keep in the room with me. I called and called and called ~ not getting any responses. I finally called Ryan's school and explained the situation to a receptionist. She said she would try to track him down, but she wasn't sure if she would be able to. I called the boys schools and explained the situation to each of their receptionists. They agreed to not put the boys on their busses and keep them at school until I could pick them up. ANGELS~

Ryan ended up tracking me down at the ER and he drove from North Seattle to pick up the boys from their schools. He called his dad and he sat at our house for the next four hours so Ryan could go back to school. Another angel.

Had I gone left out of the driveway this morning I wouldn't have ended up at the park. But maybe we would have been hit by a car. If I hadn't had Bryce with me, Halea probably wouldn't have gone down the slide. But maybe Bryce would have been kidnapped. Had I waited ten minutes, the school would have been open. Who knows. I know all of these events unfolded just as they were supposed to. I had angels surrounding me today. It must be that I'm supposed to learn something from these angels.

Back to the ER

We spent most of the day at the ER today. Halea got her cast off yesterday (after peeing in it...again). She re-broke the same leg this morning when we were playing at the park after our run. It was the slide...again ~ this time a twirly slide. She caught her toe and it created a much worse fracture this time. The bones were broken and had been offset, so they had to reset her bones for proper placement and then cast it. She was given morphine to help with the pain, but it wasn't as effective as I would have liked it to be. It was a horrible experience and I think we'll be done with slides for a while.

Marathon?

I registered myself to run in the Green River Marathon on June 4th. It's less than two weeks away. I am hoping it will be a good kick in the butt to get myself back on track with my diet and exercise since I've really fallen off the wagon since my last show. I've done two 1/2 marathons but never a full one. I'm hoping to finish in under 5 1/2 hours, but I'm not going to stress if I don't. I'd rather walk for a long time than permanently injure myself running, especially since I'm still having hip issues. I'm really not fully prepared. I'm pretty confident that I can do the 1/2 no problem, but two 1/2's back to back seems a lot tougher. I've tried to get friends interested in it, but no takers. So I will do this by myself.

Halea's Vocab

My two year old is quickly gaining speed with her vocabulary. She has a really breathy way of talking unless she's in a squawky mood. When she's breathy, everything sounds sweet, like an angel. Some of her favorite things to say are yeps (yes), no way (because a simple no just can't get the point across), ocean (lotion, that she rubs into her hair), wips (lips, or lipstick/lipgloss), eww when she messes herself, Bobbo (Apollo). I love her new words.

Speaking of Surgeons...

I put Halea to bed in a nice, dry diaper last night. When I found her this morning, that nice, dry diaper was a soaked diaper that she had removed along with the rest of her clothes, and she had flinged them over the side of her crib. She had also peed herself, down her casted leg. So we went back to the orthopedic surgeon. He removed the old cast and put a new one on. She will be in this one for two more weeks. Poor girl.

Like a Surgeon

This really isn't an earth-shattering revelation, but since this blog is sort of a journal, I thought it was worth including this. All of my boys are obsessed with Weird Al re-makes ~ only they don't know the songs are remakes. Yesterday Parker was singing Like a Surgeon and a twinge of guilt went through me, like he shouldn't know that song. But then I realized that he only knows that song and has never heard Like a Virgin. Some of their other favorites are Eat It (Beat It), You're Pitiful (You're Beautiful), Amish Paradise (Gangtsa's Paradise), and Rye or The Kieser (Eye of the Tiger). Weird Al is coming to the Puyallup Fair in September and we may have to take the boys.

Post Op Ollie

Apollo was such a trooper through his surgery. I thought they would take two teeth and possibly a third, but they ended up taking four due to an infection.

He's enjoying all the juice, soda, and popsicles he can. He's still numb and that's bothersome to him, but I think the pain will be more bothersome when the numbness wears off.

Manic Monday

I usually love Mondays ~ like it's a new start to the week ~ but I'm not looking forward to this one. APollo will be getting his teeth taken out under anesthesia and then I will have to keep a close eye on him for the rest of the day. That wouldn't be a big deal,but I have Halea (new name, Bossy) who has become very demanding and needy with her cast on. Ryan will be at clinicals all day, so it's all on me. I know I will get through it. The house may or may not get cleaned today, but that has to be ok. Ehh. If either of my sisters would like to call me that would be much appreciated. Love you!

Falling Temperatures

We went on a super fun garage sale-ing adventure this morning. On our way out I was going to grab something from our super old freezer and noticed everything inside was melted and gross. It really was a good lesson in thinking about our needs. I don't need gallons of my own breastmilk, especially since it's from the early days of nursing my now two year old. I don't need the top tier of my wedding cake from five years ago. And I don't even need the two pumpkin pies that we didn't eat for Thanksgiving last November (I tried to heat one of them up and it was gross). The things I'm sad to let go are:

The $20 bag of chicken wings

The $10 bag of edamame

The Costco amount of freezed garlic

The 30 lbs of meat that my parents gave me from their cow (although I was able to save some of it and give some to a friend, so less of it was wasted :)

It's a good preview of what it would be like if we lost everything, although this is on a very small scale. It's good to know that I'm not too attached to anything and that loss doesn't sting me the way it does other people. I've always said the only things I would miss if my house burned down would be the baby pictures of my kids and my wedding ring. And if I did lose everything but still had my family I would be ok.

Prince Charming

Five years ago I married my prince charming. I had been in a LONG, abusive relationship and it took a huge leap of faith for me to re marry. I'm so glad I did! Ryan is my best friend, a wonderful father to our children. He makes me laugh. He accepts all of my flaws and even thinks they are cute. He knows how I need things to look forward to and lets me plan vacations or anything else that keeps me excited for the future. He runs with me. He watches tv shows that I like, to be close to me on the couch (90210). He brings me icecream at 9:30 pm if it's what I really need (to go along with my bad tv shows). We have done a lot in our five years. We've added two kids to our family and have tried having three cats and two dogs (now we have none). I love our life together and I just love him.

Mother's Day

I have been spoiled today. I haven't had to cook or clean all day. I got to take a two hour nap this afternoon while Ryan took care of the kids and the house. What a great gift! I also received breakfast in bed with a song that my sweetheart wrote for me, sung by him and my kids. It was really hilarious! Each of my boys made me a gift at school and those were fun to open. I've felt like a cherished mom today. And I have been cherishing my mom. I don't think kids can really understand the sacrifices their parents make for them until they become parents.

The Works (dental works, that is)

Apollo is set to have his two front teeth pulled in ten days. I'm sad about it, but he will be able to heal once and for all, and we will be able to move past this. He's been such a trooper through all of this.

Little League Blues

My husband is a baseball FANATIC! (seriously). He felt like it was really important to put our boys in baseball because this is when most kids start. I was reluctant because the whole swimming lesson fiasco was still very fresh in my mind. I did tell him we could give it a try. Last week was horrible ~ he took both

boys himself AND assistant coached. So this week I went with them to try to keep Parker involved, and he was supposed to help with Apollo. He ended up coaching one of the skills stations, so I got to "involve" Parker and Apollo. It was a disaster! Parker was very fearful of all the other kids, and Apollo was mad every time another child had a ball in their hand that he thought he should have. UGH!!! I tried to keep the boys integrated with the practice. The only time they did get involved was when they played catch, catch, homerun (duck, duck, goose). The boys loved it and it was really cute to watch them play with all the other kids. It's also very apparent how delayed my children's development is compared to the other kids. It hurts. I know they have issues, but it never glares at me like it does when I see other kids their age or even a bit younger listening, following directions, playing well with others, catching and throwing. If families get a special needs child, they usually get one. I have at least THREE! I know I have them for my growth and because no one else could handle parenting them, but THREE???

On a positive note, the kids got to pick their team name. Parker wanted to be Team Max, Apollo wanted to be Apollo Woodhouse. All the kids got to put their idea for a team name in a hat to be selected. And the team name is.........Chocolate Thunder!!! (google that for funny images)

Life

Kinda sucks right now. Ryan is super busy with school, clinicals, work, BASEBALL (fantasy, softball, and t-ball), so that means I'm carrying the full load of the house, food, and kids (casty, and toothless). And I'm doing it all with very little money. That's probably the hardest part. I have to keep things in perspective, though. The cast will be off in a month, the teeth will come in two or three years, Ryan will graduate in eight months. So, this isn't forever. It just sucks for now.

Hot Pink

Halea was thrilled to get the splint off, but was disappointed to realize that she was getting a cast instead. I kept trying to tell her how cute it is, but she doesn't care. She'll have to wear it for four weeks. Then they will check if her bones have healed or if she will need more time in the cast.

I'm counting my blessings that I bought the princess mobile (stroller) for her birthday. It's really coming in handy.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

Halea broke both of the bones in her lower leg last night. She was on our toy in the back yard and fell. I knew right away that it was broken. When I took her to the ER the Dr said he thought it was just a bad bruise, but I knew better. She didn't cry like you would expect someone with a broken leg to cry. When the Dr examined her, she just sat there and didn't make a fuss while he was probing her broken leg. She's in a splint that she hates! We have an appt with an orthopedic surgeon this morning to put her in a cast. We'll see how that goes.

This is all really weird. In the last month, I've been the best mom that I've ever been and this past week two of my kids have sustained serious injuries. Maybe they were better off fending for themselves. So, I'm accepting that the mother of the year award is off the table for me this year.

Wise Man Snuggie

My mom made each of my boys "snuggies" when they were popular, but she didn't slit them up the back, so they are nightgowns. Each of the little boys have outgrown their's, but Bryce is still wearing his. He likes to pair it with his camo pants to make quite an ensemble. I wouldn't mind if he only wore it at home, but he wears it out riding his bike along the street in front of our house and he has taken it on his last to scout campouts.

In some ways I'm thrilled that he is not concerned about his image and couldn't care less what he wears ~ he doesn't know the difference between walmart brand and guess brand. But having an 11 year old dressed up like a wiseman can be really humiliating. So we turned the wiseman nightgown into a snuggie and now hopefully he won't be wearing it around the neighborhood.