My competition story

My sister asked me to write the story of how I got into bodybuilding and the journey that I have taken with it.

I have always been active and I have a naturally athletic build. In February of 2010 my then five year old son was diagnosed with autism and we brought my husband's mom home to die with us as she was in the last stages of early onset alzheimer's disease. I felt like I was drowning under all of my responsibilities and I needed something that was my own. I had always admired the women I saw in magazines and fitness/figure competitors, so I decided to get into bodybuilding competition in the bikini division ( just under figure). I started clean eating and took my healthy weight of 132 down to 113 for my first competition. I didn't know what I was doing and bombed it. My second competition I had a competition weight of 113 again, but was told by the judges that I was too lean and needed to move up to figure or gain some weight for bikini. That was in November. Two weeks after that competition my mother-in-law passed. Two weeks after that I had breast surgery. In five weeks I had put on 25 lbs and weighed about 137. I sought the help of trainers at Bombshell Fitness. It was a huge financial investment for our family, but my husband was supportive. My weight gradually came down, despite a ligament injury to my hip. By April I had my first competition as a bombshell. I had worked so hard and dieted like never before. The hard work and lack of carbs left me lethargic most days and exhausted for the rest of the day after my workout. Too tired to mother my four kids, too tired to allow my husband to enjoy my new sleek figure, shoving most of the responsibility that I should have as the mother of four, off on my husband (who was supportive of me and fulfilled any duty I needed him to). My hormones were out of whack and I didn't have a period for four months. My competition weight was 115. I came away from that competition improving my scores. I felt amazing! I have a much prettier face than most of the other competitors, so how could rat-faced, prepubescent looking girls be placing ahead of me? Looking back at my pictures, I can understand that what I saw in the mirror is not what the judges saw. I have a lot of loose belly skin that will never go away. I didn't know it was there. I was deluding myself that I looked just as good as a 19 year old who has never had kids. It took me a long time to make the decision to stop training with team bombshell. I had invested so much already. Over time it became more and more clear that I already had what most of my fellow competitors were looking for: a wonderful, supportive husband and a happy family life. I didn't have anything to prove to anyone. I made the decision to walk away from the competition world. Maybe just for now or maybe forever. We'll see. For a sport that endorses health and fitness, I feel like the trade off for a "healthy" body is not worth the mental stress and anguish it takes to get there ~ especially with a trainer telling me I needed to lose ten more pounds at my lowest weight. She was right if I wanted to be competitive, but I just want to be a loving wife and an energetic mom to my kids. In the month of May, my daughter has broken her leg twice, we've had oral surgery for one of my sons to remove four of his teeth after an accident, two ear infections, and still more appointments for my child with autism. My energy is much better spent on the people who need me than in a gym. My husband likes my body so much better now than he did at 115 lbs. I like me better now, too. Not so much my body, but I still have my same pretty face. There are a lot of stars who only rely on hair and make up, not a ripped body. Having energy to serve my family and others feels better to me than living a completely self-absorbed life of dieting and exercise. I believe in health and fitness, but it has to incorporate mental health and spiritual health, too. One other note: I have never loved lifting weights. I love to dance, and I'm a good runner, but lifting weights is a necessary evil to me. Part of building my spirit has been finding what I love to do. Dancing is great cardio exercise and since I love the way it makes me feel, it's a form of exercise that I will stick to. Don't do something you don't like doing.